Virgin Suicide?
Sexpert I need advice!
I have been dating a woman that is younger than me. She is also a virgin. I find this lack of sexual history incredibly scary since I have had just under a decade of sexual experience. We speak about sex openly but I feel like a bad guy for even talking about sex with a virgin. She seems more comfortable with talking about it than I. The thought of her becoming and feeling emotionally different towards me because of sex, since I would be her first, also frightens me. What can I do to make the process of creating a healthy sexual relationship with her easier for the both of us?
Signed,
Scared N' Sweatin'
Dear SNS,
I appreciate your sensitivity towards the weight that virginity can carry for some young girls. I also commend you on "doing the right thing" by allowing her to take the lead in conversations about sex and wish to affirm that this is the proper course of action - to follow her lead! Its best to let her show you what territory she is comfortable being in for right now.
However, with you being so uncomfortable with the way things are going Sweaty, it makes me wonder why you wish to spend time with someone so much more inexperienced to yourself? I don't pretend to know this girl... intellectually, she could be your equal and perhaps the two of you discuss sociopolitical worldviews until the sun comes up... but it seems that if you don't feel up to the responsibility of being THE FIRST then nobody should pressure you to do anything you're not ready for either.
Truly,
The Sexpert
I have been dating a woman that is younger than me. She is also a virgin. I find this lack of sexual history incredibly scary since I have had just under a decade of sexual experience. We speak about sex openly but I feel like a bad guy for even talking about sex with a virgin. She seems more comfortable with talking about it than I. The thought of her becoming and feeling emotionally different towards me because of sex, since I would be her first, also frightens me. What can I do to make the process of creating a healthy sexual relationship with her easier for the both of us?
Signed,
Scared N' Sweatin'
I appreciate your sensitivity towards the weight that virginity can carry for some young girls. I also commend you on "doing the right thing" by allowing her to take the lead in conversations about sex and wish to affirm that this is the proper course of action - to follow her lead! Its best to let her show you what territory she is comfortable being in for right now.
However, with you being so uncomfortable with the way things are going Sweaty, it makes me wonder why you wish to spend time with someone so much more inexperienced to yourself? I don't pretend to know this girl... intellectually, she could be your equal and perhaps the two of you discuss sociopolitical worldviews until the sun comes up... but it seems that if you don't feel up to the responsibility of being THE FIRST then nobody should pressure you to do anything you're not ready for either.
Truly,
The Sexpert
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