Everyone Loves Boobs, Right?
Dear Sexpert,
I think I got boobs when I was like, seven. They were E's by the time I was 13. Looking ahead to years of back pain, getting unwanted attention at an early age, and just feeling like a weirdo at the time... I was really glad when I was able to get them reduced at age 18 to a sensible C.
A co-worker of mine, who I am really friendly with, just told me that she is planning to get implants. I think she is a big B now but she let me know she wants to be A LOT bigger. I don't usually talk about my breast reduction to people... but I want to share with her all the problems being bigger will bring her. Is there a respectful way to do this?
Yours,
Better Breasted
Dearest BB,
My first inclination is to tell you to mind your business. We waste a lot of our lives worrying about other people's decisions. Well BB, we are all individuals and that goes for our breasts too. If your co-worker wore an ugly sweater would you be writing to ask me about talking points in fashion advice? Or perhaps you already know people enjoy looking differently from each other as an expression of their individuality? If your coworker comes back from the surgeon's office looking like the woman above, just smile, and recognize she is still the same coworker you have friendly feelings for - just with some new packaging. A diplomatic attitude is what keeps me out of trouble and I find myself shrugging and saying, "whatever floats your boat," a couple dozen times a week.
However, your story of having huge boobs as early as 7 has evoked my sensitive side BB, so this won't just be a finger wagging session. Going through puberty that early is actually a condition called Precocious Puberty. It is happening at higher rates than ever before in the US with no known cause (though there are theories like cattle growth hormones, childhood obesity, and estrogen in our water supply). This condition isn't harmless. Puberty brings about unfamiliar feelings in a child. A mixture of these confusing feelings and looking different from your peers can put a child at risk for problem behaviors. Maybe you were teased BB? You grew up with body image and self-esteem problems throughout your teenage years? Girls who are going through Precocious Puberty are more likely to participate in abusive behaviors as well as beginning their dating and sexual relationships sooner than their peers and often with older men. All this stress puts them at a statistically higher risk for mood disorders such as depression, behavior disorders, and even suicide.
So your fun bags were anything but fun for you, am I right BB? The fact that as an adult you still are applying that situation as your frame of reference to the social interactions of today is a clue that there is unresolved pain in your past. You might benefit from talking to someone about it.
I'm not letting your friend off the hook either. You guys might be at odds over what you believe to be an optimal breast size, but you both suffer from the same condition - a lack of acceptance for your own bodies. I could talk about the media and anorexia and epidemics and the patriarchy.... but we have heard it all before haven't we? There is a difference between hearing something and accepting it.
To many women their femininity is symbolized by their breasts. Unlike you BB, many young girls spent years longing and dreaming for the day they would become women - meaning the day their breasts would be visible under clothing.
Men like boobs mostly because they don't have them. The magic of puberty I described earlier (longing and dreaming and bouncing up the stairs..) boys missed out on this!! Evolutionary psychologists tell us that the role mammary glands play in reproduction (along with wide hips) make an hour-glass shaped woman the "ideal" mate for child-rearing when being selected by her male counterpart. I was reminded of the evolutionary purpose of breasts last Spring holding my new born baby cousin for the first time. I snuggled his peanut sized body into my shoulder only have him immediately wiggle and strain to snuggle into my bosom instead. We are talking about a new born baby.. he wasn't trying to be cheeky and opportunistic about copping a feel - the love of breasts is instinctual! Indeed, the same hormone, oxycontin, is released during the breast feeding as in orgasm. Oxytocin is a hormone that relaxes the body to endure discomfort and makes us feel bonded to those sharing the moment with us.
With how lovable your boobs (and your coworkers boobs) already are... Breasts can also serve as a source of your pleasure! If you would just sit back, relax, and quit your fretting, BB... During our younger years, for most of us, when sexy-time consisted only of making out, boob play took on a pretty major role, right? Boobs were the headlining act in these days! In a 2006 survey of both men and women, 82% of females and 52% of males felt aroused by breast and nipple play. The majority of survey participants believed breast play to increase arousal once things had already heated up. This is a good argument for not ignoring breasts and making sure they stay on stage during the entire performance.
The more we love ourselves the more confidence we possess and therefore the more attractive we become. No matter our size. Truth.
Wishing for you to see your body as the beautiful gift it is,
- The Sexpert
I think I got boobs when I was like, seven. They were E's by the time I was 13. Looking ahead to years of back pain, getting unwanted attention at an early age, and just feeling like a weirdo at the time... I was really glad when I was able to get them reduced at age 18 to a sensible C.
A co-worker of mine, who I am really friendly with, just told me that she is planning to get implants. I think she is a big B now but she let me know she wants to be A LOT bigger. I don't usually talk about my breast reduction to people... but I want to share with her all the problems being bigger will bring her. Is there a respectful way to do this?
Yours,
Better Breasted
Dearest BB,
My first inclination is to tell you to mind your business. We waste a lot of our lives worrying about other people's decisions. Well BB, we are all individuals and that goes for our breasts too. If your co-worker wore an ugly sweater would you be writing to ask me about talking points in fashion advice? Or perhaps you already know people enjoy looking differently from each other as an expression of their individuality? If your coworker comes back from the surgeon's office looking like the woman above, just smile, and recognize she is still the same coworker you have friendly feelings for - just with some new packaging. A diplomatic attitude is what keeps me out of trouble and I find myself shrugging and saying, "whatever floats your boat," a couple dozen times a week.
However, your story of having huge boobs as early as 7 has evoked my sensitive side BB, so this won't just be a finger wagging session. Going through puberty that early is actually a condition called Precocious Puberty. It is happening at higher rates than ever before in the US with no known cause (though there are theories like cattle growth hormones, childhood obesity, and estrogen in our water supply). This condition isn't harmless. Puberty brings about unfamiliar feelings in a child. A mixture of these confusing feelings and looking different from your peers can put a child at risk for problem behaviors. Maybe you were teased BB? You grew up with body image and self-esteem problems throughout your teenage years? Girls who are going through Precocious Puberty are more likely to participate in abusive behaviors as well as beginning their dating and sexual relationships sooner than their peers and often with older men. All this stress puts them at a statistically higher risk for mood disorders such as depression, behavior disorders, and even suicide.
So your fun bags were anything but fun for you, am I right BB? The fact that as an adult you still are applying that situation as your frame of reference to the social interactions of today is a clue that there is unresolved pain in your past. You might benefit from talking to someone about it.
I'm not letting your friend off the hook either. You guys might be at odds over what you believe to be an optimal breast size, but you both suffer from the same condition - a lack of acceptance for your own bodies. I could talk about the media and anorexia and epidemics and the patriarchy.... but we have heard it all before haven't we? There is a difference between hearing something and accepting it.
To many women their femininity is symbolized by their breasts. Unlike you BB, many young girls spent years longing and dreaming for the day they would become women - meaning the day their breasts would be visible under clothing.
For other women, this day never came and they were stuck with bodies they already had decided were unattractive and unfeminine. Like you already have already pointed out, smaller breasts have their advantages too! What is important is that we can appreciate the good our bodies do for us and show grace to ourselves for the "imperfections" that exist in each individual. As I mentioned before, because everyone is unique the "good" will look different for each one. Maybe for your coworker, the "good" of having bigger boobs outweighs the risk of back problems in her mind ... It might appear to be flawed logic to some but its her decision as an adult!
Men like boobs mostly because they don't have them. The magic of puberty I described earlier (longing and dreaming and bouncing up the stairs..) boys missed out on this!! Evolutionary psychologists tell us that the role mammary glands play in reproduction (along with wide hips) make an hour-glass shaped woman the "ideal" mate for child-rearing when being selected by her male counterpart. I was reminded of the evolutionary purpose of breasts last Spring holding my new born baby cousin for the first time. I snuggled his peanut sized body into my shoulder only have him immediately wiggle and strain to snuggle into my bosom instead. We are talking about a new born baby.. he wasn't trying to be cheeky and opportunistic about copping a feel - the love of breasts is instinctual! Indeed, the same hormone, oxycontin, is released during the breast feeding as in orgasm. Oxytocin is a hormone that relaxes the body to endure discomfort and makes us feel bonded to those sharing the moment with us.
Relaying my baby experience to a male friend of mine he confirmed that as an adult, who is deeply in love with his girlfriend, he has yet to find a more comfort than when laying on his partner's chest like a pillow after a hard day. As psychology has shown us, time and time again, our early childhood experiences effect our sexuality in adulthood - a love of breasts is no exception! These awe-inspiring organs are at their best use when providing a warm safe place of love and affection to the ones closest to us.
The more we love ourselves the more confidence we possess and therefore the more attractive we become. No matter our size. Truth.
Wishing for you to see your body as the beautiful gift it is,
- The Sexpert
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