Oh No About the Big O?
Sexpert,
I am asking you because I am embarrassed to talk about it with anybody else... but I really can't ever orgasm. My boyfriend knows that I'm not getting off when we are together and I'm scared he is taking it personally. I want to cum - I swear I do - and sometimes I think I will but... I just never ever do. Should I go see a doctor? Like what if my hormones are out of whack?
- Desperately Seeking Release
Dear DSR,
Its not breaking news if I say that women usually take longer to get to the top of the hill than their male counterparts. Only 25% of women climax during intercourse compared to 90% of males (during straight sex). My high school health class teacher explained it to me sophomore year this way: Men are microwaves and women are conventional ovens. So take a deep breath and give yourself a break... because nothing is wrong with YOU or your body!
It is for this reason DSR that I won't often give a woman advice to seek medical attention for a sexual problem unless something is really wrong with her! You see.. the way the health care system is set up in this country **steps onto soap box** corporations can make a lot of money by selling you medications that you will take the rest of your life indefinitely. To accomplish that DSR, they first need to convince you that you have a treatable diagnosis. After Viagra was a miracle drug to millions, pharmaceutical companies have been on a rampage to develop a female version of it. Enter Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD). Suddenly doctors have pills to throw at women who can't get wet or can't get off, and everyone lines their pockets with green. But you see my dearest DSR, you don't fix an oven the same way you fix a microwave, do you? **steps down from soap box**
Therefore, FSD is still a contested diagnosis and the female equivalent to Viagra has not (and probably will never be) created. While researchers were trying to develop this drug they came to only one conclusion.... female sexuality is extremely complicated!
Assuming your boyfriend is taking his time and making all the necessary pit stops to get you there (I'm willing to give him some credit) what else could be preventing you from finding the Big O? Honestly a lot of things. Without knowing more about the situation and the quality of the relationship you have with your boyfriend my advice will be in the realm of generalities.
Women who masturbate are more orgasmic than those that don't. I think this fact is true because of a certain comfort with the process and knowing how to tune into your body. Perhaps taking some time to get to know yourself better (by yourself) wouldn't hurt you. Much of the advice offered to men about how to make ladies toes curl isn't about special moves or tricks to perform but instead how to make her comfortable. The pressure you are putting on yourself to perform for your boyfriend and appease his ego could be extremely counter productive to your good time DSR!
Have you heard about about the Sexual Response Cycle?
Ok, so we are familiar with most of this terms, yes? But what is this plateau business you ask? This is the part where sex feels good! Most of my sexual education kept it simple and said no more about it. For youDSR, this may also the part of sex where you say to yourself "Am I going to cum?" You can get yourself stuck in plateau stage by stressing out about it. The mental and emotional piece of sex that words fail to describe exemplifies itself in the female orgasm, DSR. If you're not feeling it... if you're not comfortable letting go it won't happen.
I know I said I was willing to give your boyfriend credit for making proper effort to please you... but what kind of Sexpert would I be if I didn't remind you how powerful your clitoris is? It has more nerve endings than an entire penis but they can be difficult to stimulate with vaginal penetration alone.
Sit back, grip the bed sheets, and relax,
- The Sexpert
I am asking you because I am embarrassed to talk about it with anybody else... but I really can't ever orgasm. My boyfriend knows that I'm not getting off when we are together and I'm scared he is taking it personally. I want to cum - I swear I do - and sometimes I think I will but... I just never ever do. Should I go see a doctor? Like what if my hormones are out of whack?
- Desperately Seeking Release
Dear DSR,
Its not breaking news if I say that women usually take longer to get to the top of the hill than their male counterparts. Only 25% of women climax during intercourse compared to 90% of males (during straight sex). My high school health class teacher explained it to me sophomore year this way: Men are microwaves and women are conventional ovens. So take a deep breath and give yourself a break... because nothing is wrong with YOU or your body!
It is for this reason DSR that I won't often give a woman advice to seek medical attention for a sexual problem unless something is really wrong with her! You see.. the way the health care system is set up in this country **steps onto soap box** corporations can make a lot of money by selling you medications that you will take the rest of your life indefinitely. To accomplish that DSR, they first need to convince you that you have a treatable diagnosis. After Viagra was a miracle drug to millions, pharmaceutical companies have been on a rampage to develop a female version of it. Enter Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD). Suddenly doctors have pills to throw at women who can't get wet or can't get off, and everyone lines their pockets with green. But you see my dearest DSR, you don't fix an oven the same way you fix a microwave, do you? **steps down from soap box**Therefore, FSD is still a contested diagnosis and the female equivalent to Viagra has not (and probably will never be) created. While researchers were trying to develop this drug they came to only one conclusion.... female sexuality is extremely complicated!
Assuming your boyfriend is taking his time and making all the necessary pit stops to get you there (I'm willing to give him some credit) what else could be preventing you from finding the Big O? Honestly a lot of things. Without knowing more about the situation and the quality of the relationship you have with your boyfriend my advice will be in the realm of generalities.
Women who masturbate are more orgasmic than those that don't. I think this fact is true because of a certain comfort with the process and knowing how to tune into your body. Perhaps taking some time to get to know yourself better (by yourself) wouldn't hurt you. Much of the advice offered to men about how to make ladies toes curl isn't about special moves or tricks to perform but instead how to make her comfortable. The pressure you are putting on yourself to perform for your boyfriend and appease his ego could be extremely counter productive to your good time DSR!
Have you heard about about the Sexual Response Cycle?
Ok, so we are familiar with most of this terms, yes? But what is this plateau business you ask? This is the part where sex feels good! Most of my sexual education kept it simple and said no more about it. For youDSR, this may also the part of sex where you say to yourself "Am I going to cum?" You can get yourself stuck in plateau stage by stressing out about it. The mental and emotional piece of sex that words fail to describe exemplifies itself in the female orgasm, DSR. If you're not feeling it... if you're not comfortable letting go it won't happen.
I know I said I was willing to give your boyfriend credit for making proper effort to please you... but what kind of Sexpert would I be if I didn't remind you how powerful your clitoris is? It has more nerve endings than an entire penis but they can be difficult to stimulate with vaginal penetration alone.
Sit back, grip the bed sheets, and relax,
- The Sexpert
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