What Does a Feminist Look Like?
The Feminist Porn Awards were last night. In honor of that event I spent some time pondering on what feminism means to me. I remembered back to my first feminist "awakening" reading bell hooks' Communion: The Female Search for Love. Before reading this book I had never questioned the patriarchy but was only left to wonder why my relationships with men always turned into a power struggle that I was doomed to never win. I had never read feminist writing before. I didn't know what to expect... Male bashing? Obvious anger over traumatizing childhood experiences? Someone suffering profound penis envy?
Instead, I found a beautiful description of love. How to love better. How to love using freedom and how to give love as a gift. It had never occurred to me that I should be loving myself with this kind of love. I didn't realize that by doing so I could love other people better. I had never before found the empowerment that comes from doing so.
This love I learned to show myself has been the single greatest driving factor in my life ever since. It is because I define feminism by something as fundamental as the love I show myself that discussion over what a feminist looks like seems silly. It is almost a shallow or offensive conversation to me.
Earlier in the week I reposted this from Baci Lingerie to The Sexpert facebook page:
Best Lesbian Erotica, however, doesn't cater to every community. It had a lot of butch on femme / S&M dynamics. Those who are into that style of play should have erotica written for them and should have porn made for them. I felt concerned that 'lesbian' was too broad a label for this niche and could be damaging to one questioning their sexuality and unsure where they fit on the spectrum.
This is why I am really glad to see so much variety among titles nominated for Feminist Porn Awards. The Feminist Porn Awards themselves serve such an amazing purpose for giving a platform to have these discussions. Really important sex-positive discussions! Let alone the need to celebrate womanhood whenever there is an excuse to!
It is a stereotype that feminists must be hairy. Part of why waxing is popular is it is just a fashion fad. It began in the mid-90's at the same time g-strings became the popular underwear of choice. Its called a Brazilian Wax because women started doing it in an effort to not show pubic hair when modeling their Brazilian bikinis (g-strings). Britney Spears was wearing extreme hip hugger jeans in the mid 90's that could have easily shown off a hair or two if it wasn't for waxing. So with this being a relatively new fashion lets not forget there was a time when hairy vaginas were the norm. Fur Bikinis, as Holly Madison refers to them, were all the rage in publications as mainstream and male-minded as Playboy. Lets not let something as transient and vague a concept as fashion taint our perceptions of something as important and vital as feminism!
Instead, I found a beautiful description of love. How to love better. How to love using freedom and how to give love as a gift. It had never occurred to me that I should be loving myself with this kind of love. I didn't realize that by doing so I could love other people better. I had never before found the empowerment that comes from doing so.
“The one person who will never leave us, whom we will never lose, is ourself. Learning to love our female selves is where our search for love must begin.”
This love I learned to show myself has been the single greatest driving factor in my life ever since. It is because I define feminism by something as fundamental as the love I show myself that discussion over what a feminist looks like seems silly. It is almost a shallow or offensive conversation to me.
Earlier in the week I reposted this from Baci Lingerie to The Sexpert facebook page:
It came with the caption, "Do you think the cut of your panty should indicate how feminist you are? ... because we thought feminism was supposed to was supposed to give you the right to choose who you are and what you wear." I agree whole-heartedly with the message of the caption and yet, it made me take inventory of whether or not I looked like a feminist. It made me ask for the first time how can we tell when something looks feminist?
It is a relevant question. Especially in our current cultural climate that demands the importance of a pleasing visual aesthetic of anything media-related. Especially with the rising popularity and importance of the movement that is feminist porn. Because what is porn? It is entirely visual. Its solely comprised of stimulating images. Nobody wants to watch a porn that doesn't look good to them.
Sitting on the judge's panel of the Feminist Porn Awards was Tristan Taormino. I first learned of Taormino as the editor of Best Lesbian Erotica Reading up on Taromino I learned her other titles include author, columnist, sex-educator, activist, speaker, radio host, porn director, and porn actress. She is clearly qualified to be in the panel of judges for feminist porn!
Best Lesbian Erotica, however, doesn't cater to every community. It had a lot of butch on femme / S&M dynamics. Those who are into that style of play should have erotica written for them and should have porn made for them. I felt concerned that 'lesbian' was too broad a label for this niche and could be damaging to one questioning their sexuality and unsure where they fit on the spectrum.This is why I am really glad to see so much variety among titles nominated for Feminist Porn Awards. The Feminist Porn Awards themselves serve such an amazing purpose for giving a platform to have these discussions. Really important sex-positive discussions! Let alone the need to celebrate womanhood whenever there is an excuse to!  |
| Don't be confused, this is NOT feminist porn. Just 1970's Playboy |
There is room in feminism for feminine girls and its not un-feminist to enjoy watching porn depicting them! Feminism is about your love of gender equality! What a relief!
Keep doing you,
- The Sexpert
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| Translation: "In diversity there is perfection" |
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