Spanking

How excited am I to be writing about spanking!?

The most common instances of which happen in the context of rough sex.  Rough sex being a category of sexual behavior that incorporates aggression and some pain.   In my mind "rough sex" is an activity unto itself and falls short of being considered BDSM due to lack of actual bondage, role playing, or acts of humiliation.  BDSM is rough sex taken up one hell of a kinky notch... but we will talk more about BDSM later... A lot of people will consider rough sex to be part of BDSM.  

The acknowledgement of pain as an aphrodisiac is described in detail in the ancient document of the Kama Sutra, as it gives instructions on how and where to 'strike' your partner during sex.  Spanking used during sex can be a fun and harmless way to spice things up.  Spanking in the context of rough sex is on par with hair pulling, pinching, biting, etc.  However, for others (spankophiles), spanking takes on a central role to their sexual arousal.  

Spanking as a fetish all its own, just like exhibitionism, has a psycho-physiological explanation to why this activity takes on a sexual significance for its fans.  When it comes to pain, our bodies naturally release endorphins to help us cope with the sensation.  Spanking can bring blood flow to the pelvic floor.  Both of these things mimic what happens during sexual arousal in our bodies anyway.  

Spanking took on a negative connotation with the rise of feminism.  Spanking had often been publicized in media as a way to punish feisty women - or keep them in line - *insert other phrases that have domestic violence sounding overtones attached to them.*  Why do men have the right to punish grown women in the same way as naughty children?  However, it took brave people to be honest about their sexual preferences to speak up to say "Hey!  I can be respected AND spanked if I want to be!"  

Lucy and Desi: Just an innocent spanking between spouses on prime time television

I would be remiss as a student of psychology, however, to not at least mention the Oedipal/Electra Complex in relation to spanking.  If you have been following along you know I mention Freud's psychosexual theories often as they relate to different facets of our unique sex lives.  While Freud's theories have been some of the most controversial and refuted in history, I say 'don't swallow them whole.'  Instead, might I suggest, we do not forget their central message: our childhood experiences influence our sexual preferences as adults!

Any fetishist can usually tell you - something influenced them at a young age - an experience never to be forgotten - to be fixated on a certain object or activity that they will forever find sexual!  The Oedipal Complex is a theory Dr. Freud named after a Greek tragedy where a prince killed his father and married his mother.  Freud opined that all of us carried an unconscious attraction to one of our parents and feelings of jealousy towards the other.  For Freud this theory expounded into an explanation of how gender roles develop throughout life.  Some 110 years later what you may want to take away from this theory is that we are usually attracted to people who are similar to our favorite parental figure. While the story of Oedipus is labeled a tragedy for a reason, and to most of us the suggestion that we find our family members attractive is ishy, if approached logically it is not so bad.  The personalities that belong to your family are ones you are most accustomed to.  You already know that you can cohabit with people who behave a certain way and an ideal spouse is one who you intend to make your family and share a household with.  It helps when they "fit in" with the rest of your family, yes?  To a spankophile, the disciplinarian from their childhood is the ideal they are seeking out in an adult sexual relationship.

So what of a style of play that glorifies spanking?  That glorifies the play between dominant and submissive?  Yes friends, this is the BDSM portion of my post...  

BDSM stands for Bondage Dominance SadoMasochism.  The activities, props, and subcultures within this particular kink are vast. 

A common theme of which is the submissive partner enduring a punishment which honestly, both parties enjoy equally.  After reading the Beauty series of erotica written by Anne Rice, I now feel I know much more about the art of spanking as it is often the punishment of choice in these BDSM charged novels.  Through the experience of Beauty, the main character, we are offered a detailed description of different types of spankings.  The hot heavy hand, the sharp sting of a paddle,  the slicing lick of a strap...  Indeed, for the spanking enthusiast some bedroom props may be required.  Each with its own unique sensation and often times signifying different roles among partners.  

The Riding Crop!  Soft leather and designed to give a short smooth smacks.  It is perfect in scenarios where the submissive partner is playing the role of a pet.  It is especially appropriate for Pony Play.  If you don't know what Pony Play is...  a google image search will clear that up!

The spanking paddle!  Designed to issue an extra sting and leave a welt.  If complete with holes, indents, or studs, the pain-o-meter rises exponentially!  Perfect for your naughty school girl  or dirty nun fantasies.

The whip!  A classic.  Perfect for your leather lovin' style of BDSM or pleasure dungeon set up.  Can sting and welt up that raw bum with the best of them but can also be used to tickle and tease when the tails are ran slowly over bare flesh.  

We shouldn't forget about canes, though, I can't in good conscience recommend something that is so likely to injure you.  When lacking, you could always grab a wooden spoon out of your kitchen or just go at it with the hand god gave you.  

So what does someone with a red bum do to keep those cheeks supple?  As any "bottom" will tell you (pun intended) aftercare is important!  If not properly treated swollen skin will become flaky, rough, and calloused... so a good lotion is an important ingredient to any spanko's skin care repertoire.  As are baths for soothing, soaking, and relaxing the skin.  Using an oatmeal bath is recommended.  Also exfoliating is important part to the routine, however, this CANNOT happen directly following the spanking.  Even the slightest amount of scrubbing while the skin is still raw is dangerous.  Taking Vitamin E and K supplements will help your skin heal faster.  Some have said massaging the area or icing it after a spanking will reduce bruising.  

Get naughty,

- The Sexpert