The Thrill of Being Caught

She's a flasher 

A more "every day" fetish is the thrill of being caught.  Nearly everyone is asked at some point in their lives after a couple of glasses of wine, "Whats the weirdest place you have had sex?"  For some, the story of having sex some odd place is due to the intensity of when the mood struck.  For other's it is out of necessity.  Still for others.. its the joy of thinking perhaps someone will see.  Exhibitionism.

Let 'em watch!

There is certainly a "dark side" to this sexual behavior.  1877 is when exhibitionism was first described as a psychological disorder by French psychiatrist Charles Lesengue in a scientific journal.  The compulsion to expose yourself when it disrupts normal social functioning (like a healthy sex life) fits the DSM-IV diagnosis of a paraphilia.  Paraphilias are typically diagnosed when one's fetishes are troubling to the individual who has them.  Besides the obvious legal trouble exhibitionism can cause, if it is done without consent, it creates a possible trauma for the person suddenly forced to view nudity.  At the same time, research would suggest that for the typical exhibitionist there is seldom a foul intention.  In a study of 185 exhibitionists only 4.3% said that the desired response of the viewer for them was fear, anger, or disgust after exposing themselves.  The majority said they would prefer for that person to desire to have intercourse with them, and "No response necessary" was a close second.  I would interject among these statistics to say, that if one cannot safely assume the response of the viewer WILL be positive... they should stay clothed.

In protest of victim blaming in cases of sexual assault.

Exhibitionism can also be nonsexual.  Public nudity has also been historically used to make a political statement.  There was an "epidemic" of streakers at sporting events throughout the 1970's in the US as a means to show very public and attention grabbing support for sexual revolution and feminism.  Since then, there have been numerous examples of female nudity used to make a point in public rallies (see photo) but this is actually a practice that has a much longer history than I expected.  There is an ancient Greek writing from Herodotus that indicates women exposed themselves during a public protest to close a local bank!  In the 1900's, the suffragettes ate pizza and sang songs on the steps of a public building. They did so in bathing suits to intentionally provoke attention from their oppressors, (even though bathing suits were quite a bit more modest in those times than they are today).  In this way, public nudity can be maintained as a nonsexual activity.  Similarly, nudists (or those who ascribe to naturism) do not view their nudity as being  sexual.  Rather, the philosophy can be traced back to German ideals of fitness and is simply a belief in having a harmony with nature that is expressed predominantly through social nudity.

Jon Ibrahim wrote for the Chicago Tribune in 2007 an article called "Thrill of Getting Caught is a Risky Sex Move."  In this brief editorial he warns his readers to find another way to heat up their sex lives.  Having been caught in the act by a local police officer himself, he talks about the lasting repercussions this embarrassment has had on his sex life.  Its true, anyone engaging in a public sex session should perhaps rethink doing so if they are unable to mentally handle the consequences.  Ibrahim talks about the hypothetical situation of never being able to look at a coworker the same again after being caught having sex with her in the office copy room.  Ummmm... yea, I'd have to agree with you there, Ibrahim!  It is wise to never engage in sexual activity at a place of business.  I wouldn't advise having sex any place where the mutual respect of those residing there is vital to your livelihood.   

Is anyone watching?

Boundaries are so important and knowing your limits and sticking to them.  Social consequences and also legal issues are a possible risk you very well might be taking if you push the limits of exhibitionism.  I urge you, friends, not only to be courteous to other human beings you may be sharing space with, but do not bite off more than you can chew due to a moment of being impulsive and aroused. 

I hope these two are not in violation of any HR policies

Dr. Laura Berman, the famous couples counselor, suggests safe alternatives to keep the "thrill" and eliminate the risk of being caught.  She suggests one simply imagines they are being watched by others or that they could be caught.  That might work in a pinch, right?  Especially if one is by themselves.  When you have the pleasure of actually playing with a friend, she suggests engaging in some legal PDA that you intend to follow up on once you're at home.  She also suggests doing the deed spontaneously and in unusual areas of your home.  Even venturing to your own yard?  She advises females to go pantiless under a skirt or dress to provide easy access while the skirt itself remains on as a way to stay covered if engaging in play outside your home.

Getting some loving outdoors!

Just a little yard work!

Why is exhibitionism such a common fantasy for lovers?  Dr. Ian Kerner discusses the physiological factors of this activity in a 2011 column he wrote for CNN.  He explains the added adrenaline associated with the "risk" peaks the physical and emotional sensations already going on during sexual activity by increasing dopamine (the chemical in your brain responsible for pleasure) as well as quickening your heart beat and speeding up your breath.  He also attributes this wide spread propensity for sexual thrill seeking to how first sexual experiences took place for many of us.  If  you began being sexually active in your teen years, being caught by your parents was an unavoidable risk!  Being overheard or being forced to find a deserted parking lot were necessities to being able to engage in sex for most of us at those ages.  For some, the association with the risk of being caught and sexual gratification formed a powerful link that developed into a forever present fetish.  The exhibitionist will also derive pleasure from feeling powerful enough to inspire arousal in those who may see or catch them.  In these modern times, 1/4 of free web cams are aimed at penises - technology assisted exhibitionism. The sext of a penis pic is becoming a universal pick up line. Dick pics have not been without some social and legal consequences for certain reckless celebrities...

Stay sexy but stay classy,

- The Sexpert