Longer Lasting Lovin'
On Friday morning I received, not one, but two messages:
** One question I'll ask: Try as I have a few times, are there any techniques to lasting longer that I can use? ... like DIY?
** Love your blog! Was just wondering if I could get some advice. Any tips on making my man last longer?? Anything I can do or make him do?
Am I to assume some couples had a tragically unfulfilling Thursday night?
Good news, there is a lot that can be done to last longer.
Bad news, not all of is is fun or sexy.
When you Google, "Premature Ejaculation" you immediately will see adds for a bunch of sketchy looking pills, ointments, and cremes. Hopefully the information I am able to provide in this post will leave you with enough inspiration to successfully avoid substances that have not been evaluated by the FDA. What's a Sexpert for, eh?
While there may be no official definition for what is "premature" experts would like to advocate that we consider it to be when male climax occurs within one minute of sexual stimulation. This condition is known to be a major source of relationship stress and embarrassment for men. It is the most common of all male sexual dysfunction. One study found that 30% of men had dealt with this issue before age 59 compared to only 10% of those who had suffered erectile dysfunction. The 1948 Kinsey studies found an even more common 2/3 of men cum within two minutes during at least half of their sexual encounters. That's a lot of quickies! However, Alfred Kinsey thought rapid ejaculation was simply a sign of masculine vigor and didn't view it as a problem. I wonder what his wife would have said?
** One question I'll ask: Try as I have a few times, are there any techniques to lasting longer that I can use? ... like DIY?
** Love your blog! Was just wondering if I could get some advice. Any tips on making my man last longer?? Anything I can do or make him do?
Am I to assume some couples had a tragically unfulfilling Thursday night?
Good news, there is a lot that can be done to last longer.
Bad news, not all of is is fun or sexy.
 |
| Getting it on all day long! (hopefully) |
While there may be no official definition for what is "premature" experts would like to advocate that we consider it to be when male climax occurs within one minute of sexual stimulation. This condition is known to be a major source of relationship stress and embarrassment for men. It is the most common of all male sexual dysfunction. One study found that 30% of men had dealt with this issue before age 59 compared to only 10% of those who had suffered erectile dysfunction. The 1948 Kinsey studies found an even more common 2/3 of men cum within two minutes during at least half of their sexual encounters. That's a lot of quickies! However, Alfred Kinsey thought rapid ejaculation was simply a sign of masculine vigor and didn't view it as a problem. I wonder what his wife would have said?
What causes a man to cum quicker than he'd like to? There is no one proven cause! The reasons offered throughout history are all over the board! Early Freudians thought premature ejaculation the result of a neurosis caused by an unresolved Oedipal complex (a.k.a. wanting to kill your dad and marry your mom). Other psychodynamic theorists concluded cumming too fast to be evidence of unconscious hostility towards women - a man satisfying himself and frustrating his female lover. Lack of sexual experience, practice masturbating as quickly as possible to avoid being caught by your parents, and an extra sensitive penis are all other theories common among the rest of us scratching our heads to find reasons why someone can't slow it down in the sack.
However, within the field of medicine there have been some biologically based reasons explored, such as brain chemistry. The paragigantocellularis (PGL) is the brain structure in charge of ejaculatory control. This little piece of your brain stem controls serotonin levels in the rest of your brain. For those men who suffer life long premature ejaculation, it would seem that genetics is a key factor because 91% have a family member with the same condition. They're pelvic muscles have faster neurological responses.
Everyone is different! One person's reason for premature ejaculation is not necessarily the next's. Therefore, there might be a drop of truth in any or all of these reasons. That depends on the individual man going through the trials of cumming too quickly. Thus, the treatment modalities differ just as greatly. How drastic of measures one is willing to take is likely to correspond to how drastic the problem is perceived to be.
Mild. Most men will try their own brand of tricks in the bedroom in an attempt to last longer. Distracting themselves with thoughts of something else during sex - baseball, singing the alphabet, etc.. Others will thrust very slowly, or even pull out completely when things start to feel too intense. Some men will make sure to ejaculate earlier in the day prior to intercourse in hopes of not being so eager to cum again.
Sex therapists recommend men to be more mindful of relaxation prior to engaging in sexual activity by having a full body massage or partaking in deep breathing exercises before and during sex. The massage is really more a tip for the partner than anything. Anxiety is a major culprit of all sorts of sexual problems! Even just talking about performance anxiety with your partner is instrumental to curing it - unless your partner is a complete asshole. In which case, why do you want to have sex with someone like that?
The tension doesn't have to only be emotional. Our pelvic floor muscles release a mother load of tension during orgasm. If a man has a lot of pelvic tension stored up even before he starts to have sex he could be primed to cum very fast. Certain sexual activity will only exacerbate the situation - holding your breath, flexing your abs, supporting your weight awkwardly, etc. Yoga and stretching may be key to releasing this tension without sexual contact or perhaps prior to. Kegel exercises are another way to strengthen these muscles. Yes, men can (and should!) do Kegels for the same reason women should - it will increase your sexual prowess ;) Some sexual positions will be effective at delaying male orgasm, such as his partner being on top, spooning, or doggy style because it puts him in a relaxed posture.
Moderate. For men who not only wish to last longer but feel "out of control" of their ability to delay their orgasm, some interventions have been developed. Masters and Johnson invented the "squeeze technique" as a behavioral intervention to teach the premature ejaculator to better observe his own sexual response cycle. In other words, when a man is about to cum he can squeeze the head of his penis in his thumb and index finger - literally STOPPING himself from ejaculating. He is free to continue on like this for as long as he needs with the goal of learning what the "the point of no return" feels like. This is so that he will be able to take necessary precautions in the future in knowing when he needs to cool off.
A partner can get in on the squeeze too. The man just has to signal to his partner when to squeeze so that they may take action on his behalf. You can imagine this might just get awkward and arduous... which has pretty much been the consensus of couples throughout the decades in which this technique has been popularly prescribed to.
A preferred modification to squeezing is the "start and stop" method in which a man opts to discontinue thrusting and remain perfectly still if he thinks he is about to cum. Once "the moment" has subsided the couple can continue on copulating. Like many behavioral interventions, going in stages is often the most effective at retraining yourself about a better way to do something. Why not squeeze alone, then with a partner, start and stop alone, then with a partner? All in an effort to truly gain awareness of your own body's sensations!
Masturbating slowly is still another way men can re-focus themselves towards the goal of delayed gratification. Most often men masturbate quickly to avoid being caught. Or perhaps to relieve stress and bust a nut as soon as they can after a rough day. However, for some men, this has taught them to speed on through the process of climaxing without stopping to smell the roses.
Severe. As I mentioned, there are brain chemistry and genetic factors that have been shown to plague men with a lifetime of not lasting long. For this select group, medication is an option. Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors (SSRI's) are commonly prescribed as anti-depressants. Some of you are familiar with their effect on men without premature ejaculation: lack of sexual desire, erectile dysfunction, and difficulty achieving orgasm. Apply these "side-effects" to a man who is over eager and a happy medium is struck!
It almost sounds too easy? ... but its true and documented! Paxil being the drug that is shown to be the most effective in treating premature ejaculation. Other medications are analgesics which can be taken orally or applied topically which will directly serve to numb the penis. All of these should be prescribed by a doctor and therefore medically monitored due to management of any unintended side-effects that are possible.
I think this has been a pretty thorough discussion of what can be done to last longer. At least a lot more info than Mayo Clinic would care to post. However, if you do wish to study even more on this topic there is a book called 'Lasting Longer.' It is a short and easy to read 60-page manual written by sex therapist, Dr. Sy Silverburg M.D..
"Women love the man whose sexual energy lasts a long time, but they resent a man whose energy ends quickly because he stops before they reach a climax" - The Kamasutra
Good things come to those who wait,
- The Sexpert
Everyone is different! One person's reason for premature ejaculation is not necessarily the next's. Therefore, there might be a drop of truth in any or all of these reasons. That depends on the individual man going through the trials of cumming too quickly. Thus, the treatment modalities differ just as greatly. How drastic of measures one is willing to take is likely to correspond to how drastic the problem is perceived to be.
 |
| Approximately 1 out of every 4 men suffers premature ejaculation at some time or another... |
Sex therapists recommend men to be more mindful of relaxation prior to engaging in sexual activity by having a full body massage or partaking in deep breathing exercises before and during sex. The massage is really more a tip for the partner than anything. Anxiety is a major culprit of all sorts of sexual problems! Even just talking about performance anxiety with your partner is instrumental to curing it - unless your partner is a complete asshole. In which case, why do you want to have sex with someone like that?
The tension doesn't have to only be emotional. Our pelvic floor muscles release a mother load of tension during orgasm. If a man has a lot of pelvic tension stored up even before he starts to have sex he could be primed to cum very fast. Certain sexual activity will only exacerbate the situation - holding your breath, flexing your abs, supporting your weight awkwardly, etc. Yoga and stretching may be key to releasing this tension without sexual contact or perhaps prior to. Kegel exercises are another way to strengthen these muscles. Yes, men can (and should!) do Kegels for the same reason women should - it will increase your sexual prowess ;) Some sexual positions will be effective at delaying male orgasm, such as his partner being on top, spooning, or doggy style because it puts him in a relaxed posture.
Moderate. For men who not only wish to last longer but feel "out of control" of their ability to delay their orgasm, some interventions have been developed. Masters and Johnson invented the "squeeze technique" as a behavioral intervention to teach the premature ejaculator to better observe his own sexual response cycle. In other words, when a man is about to cum he can squeeze the head of his penis in his thumb and index finger - literally STOPPING himself from ejaculating. He is free to continue on like this for as long as he needs with the goal of learning what the "the point of no return" feels like. This is so that he will be able to take necessary precautions in the future in knowing when he needs to cool off.
A partner can get in on the squeeze too. The man just has to signal to his partner when to squeeze so that they may take action on his behalf. You can imagine this might just get awkward and arduous... which has pretty much been the consensus of couples throughout the decades in which this technique has been popularly prescribed to.
A preferred modification to squeezing is the "start and stop" method in which a man opts to discontinue thrusting and remain perfectly still if he thinks he is about to cum. Once "the moment" has subsided the couple can continue on copulating. Like many behavioral interventions, going in stages is often the most effective at retraining yourself about a better way to do something. Why not squeeze alone, then with a partner, start and stop alone, then with a partner? All in an effort to truly gain awareness of your own body's sensations!
Masturbating slowly is still another way men can re-focus themselves towards the goal of delayed gratification. Most often men masturbate quickly to avoid being caught. Or perhaps to relieve stress and bust a nut as soon as they can after a rough day. However, for some men, this has taught them to speed on through the process of climaxing without stopping to smell the roses.
It almost sounds too easy? ... but its true and documented! Paxil being the drug that is shown to be the most effective in treating premature ejaculation. Other medications are analgesics which can be taken orally or applied topically which will directly serve to numb the penis. All of these should be prescribed by a doctor and therefore medically monitored due to management of any unintended side-effects that are possible.
I think this has been a pretty thorough discussion of what can be done to last longer. At least a lot more info than Mayo Clinic would care to post. However, if you do wish to study even more on this topic there is a book called 'Lasting Longer.' It is a short and easy to read 60-page manual written by sex therapist, Dr. Sy Silverburg M.D..
"Women love the man whose sexual energy lasts a long time, but they resent a man whose energy ends quickly because he stops before they reach a climax" - The Kamasutra
Good things come to those who wait,
- The Sexpert
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