Porn Problems
Sexpert,
I really like your blog, writing, and your ummm.... prowess. Hahaha..
I was wondering, what is your stance on porn? An ex of mine despised it and blamed what is my very limited use for all emotional downfalls. We had a lack in our connection but I have other theories for why that was.
I know there is such a thing as too much, like when it becomes physically harmful or when the urge for porn begins to outweigh the urge for sex. When does it begin to become a problem though? And is there anything wrong with using it like.. twice a month?
- Under the Influence of Porn
Hey UIP,
I am really glad somebody finally asked me this question. Firstly, can I give you my personal opinion. This is solely from my mind. Porn is entertainment. Like any entertainment it can be influential. However, if the person viewing it is off their hinges to begin with, all information going in is being filtered through a faulty filter. Does that make sense?
I remember back when people blamed Marilyn Manson for school shootings. Well friends, I promise you that I could listen to Marilyn Manson all day and all night and never would shoot up a school. It is true, when some sex offenders are asked, "What made you interested in A, B, C, and D?" They say, "Well hey, I just saw it in porn and it looked like something to try."
There's where the FEAR of porn comes from... that it is feeding the motivation for future sex crimes. That is a pretty legitimate fear but I would seek to argue that a person willing to act out something criminal they see in porn, or read in a book, or even hear about from a friend needs an intervention to prevent their crimes regardless of where their porn preferences may take them. Lets be serious, rape was occurring long before the internet was invented. Whats more, not everyone goes searching for porn that portrays criminal acts! I think in this way porn can be a pretty big cop out.
There is no causal link to the increase in availability of porn and the number of sex crimes. The number of sex crimes has not changed as Americans all began receiving internet access to their homes (for every "normal" website there is actually 5 pornographic ones). The majority of adults in this country use pornography and don't see a problem doing so. In a qualitative research study where porn viewers were interviewed directly after viewing porn about their experience many who stated they felt good about it tended to come from backgrounds where they had received sex-positive messages.
If you're a healthy person devoid of criminal pathology, what could porn influence you to do?
In past posts I have touched on my ideals of what healthy porn looks like. It employs realistic portrayals of emotion, isn't afraid of real bodies, and illustrates activities that actually FEEL GOOD. It is true there is a lot of porn out there that runs off in the opposite direction of healthy. Perhaps much of it is created for someone with lesser moral integrity than the average you and me? Should these types of deviants be pandered to?
Don't get me wrong, research indicates that people who engage in kinky sex are mentally healthier. It isn't kinkiness I take issue with (be as rough and weird as you want), but porn that implies it is gratifying to violate the rights of others is a widespread problem. I realize your question wasn't about if watching despicable porn was going to one day lead to your arrest, UIP. You wanted to know if it would make you an emotionally unavailable partner.
There are quite a few testimonials of how porn can be used like a controlled substance to numb or avoid unpleasant emotions. The same is true for alcohol. Do you still use alcohol? We know some people who can and some who shouldn't in order to remain healthy. In fact, one may watch porn for the same reason they may engage in a night of drinking - it feels good to take a break from the stress of the day! Like any good "escape," as long as the escapee can keep things in perspective and not lose sight of reality, there shouldn't be an issue with occasional use.
... Easier said than done, right? Where to set your limit? As I mentioned in a recent post, clinicians won't treat a problem unless the client reports it is a problem. So, in other words, pay attention to your own distress. Showing up late to events, blowing off friends, finding sex boring.... could all be clues that it is time to put a kabash on the hours you spend in front of naked strangers on a screen.
"Is there anything wrong with using it like... twice a month?"
That is completely up to you, my darling!
Be honest with yourself,
- The Sexpert
I really like your blog, writing, and your ummm.... prowess. Hahaha..
I was wondering, what is your stance on porn? An ex of mine despised it and blamed what is my very limited use for all emotional downfalls. We had a lack in our connection but I have other theories for why that was.
I know there is such a thing as too much, like when it becomes physically harmful or when the urge for porn begins to outweigh the urge for sex. When does it begin to become a problem though? And is there anything wrong with using it like.. twice a month?
- Under the Influence of Porn
Hey UIP,
I am really glad somebody finally asked me this question. Firstly, can I give you my personal opinion. This is solely from my mind. Porn is entertainment. Like any entertainment it can be influential. However, if the person viewing it is off their hinges to begin with, all information going in is being filtered through a faulty filter. Does that make sense?
I remember back when people blamed Marilyn Manson for school shootings. Well friends, I promise you that I could listen to Marilyn Manson all day and all night and never would shoot up a school. It is true, when some sex offenders are asked, "What made you interested in A, B, C, and D?" They say, "Well hey, I just saw it in porn and it looked like something to try."
There's where the FEAR of porn comes from... that it is feeding the motivation for future sex crimes. That is a pretty legitimate fear but I would seek to argue that a person willing to act out something criminal they see in porn, or read in a book, or even hear about from a friend needs an intervention to prevent their crimes regardless of where their porn preferences may take them. Lets be serious, rape was occurring long before the internet was invented. Whats more, not everyone goes searching for porn that portrays criminal acts! I think in this way porn can be a pretty big cop out.
There is no causal link to the increase in availability of porn and the number of sex crimes. The number of sex crimes has not changed as Americans all began receiving internet access to their homes (for every "normal" website there is actually 5 pornographic ones). The majority of adults in this country use pornography and don't see a problem doing so. In a qualitative research study where porn viewers were interviewed directly after viewing porn about their experience many who stated they felt good about it tended to come from backgrounds where they had received sex-positive messages.
If you're a healthy person devoid of criminal pathology, what could porn influence you to do?In past posts I have touched on my ideals of what healthy porn looks like. It employs realistic portrayals of emotion, isn't afraid of real bodies, and illustrates activities that actually FEEL GOOD. It is true there is a lot of porn out there that runs off in the opposite direction of healthy. Perhaps much of it is created for someone with lesser moral integrity than the average you and me? Should these types of deviants be pandered to?
Don't get me wrong, research indicates that people who engage in kinky sex are mentally healthier. It isn't kinkiness I take issue with (be as rough and weird as you want), but porn that implies it is gratifying to violate the rights of others is a widespread problem. I realize your question wasn't about if watching despicable porn was going to one day lead to your arrest, UIP. You wanted to know if it would make you an emotionally unavailable partner.
There are quite a few testimonials of how porn can be used like a controlled substance to numb or avoid unpleasant emotions. The same is true for alcohol. Do you still use alcohol? We know some people who can and some who shouldn't in order to remain healthy. In fact, one may watch porn for the same reason they may engage in a night of drinking - it feels good to take a break from the stress of the day! Like any good "escape," as long as the escapee can keep things in perspective and not lose sight of reality, there shouldn't be an issue with occasional use.
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| Japanese photographer Araki was often criticized for being "pornographic" |
... Easier said than done, right? Where to set your limit? As I mentioned in a recent post, clinicians won't treat a problem unless the client reports it is a problem. So, in other words, pay attention to your own distress. Showing up late to events, blowing off friends, finding sex boring.... could all be clues that it is time to put a kabash on the hours you spend in front of naked strangers on a screen.
"Is there anything wrong with using it like... twice a month?"
That is completely up to you, my darling!
Be honest with yourself,
- The Sexpert
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