Consent
Sexpert,
I have a question about the last time I had sex with my boyfriend. It was kind of scary because he choked me. I wasn't expecting it and I passed out. I asked him why he would do something like that to me and he said he thought I would like it because lots of girls do and its hot. We have been together for about a year and he has never done anything like that before. I am scared he will try to do it again and I don't know what to do if he does?
Freaked Out
FO,
A significant other should NEVER make you feel helpless! I don't like telling people straight up what to do but I want to yell at you to get away! Why am I so alarmed? Because sex is something a couple should only engage in with the shared goal to please each other. He shouldn't be nearly causing you injury, scaring you, and then telling you to like it. That is a relationship where the power and control is out of whack! Evidenced by his physically lashing out at you during sex! Danger!
Why would he tell you that lots of girls like it? Because some do. Its called breath play or erotic asphyxiation. This is not new information: When people lose oxygen to their brain it can heighten the sensation of an orgasm. However, it is known as a riskier practice because engaging in it has caused numerous fatalities historically. Orgasming to death? Uhhhhh I'll pass, thanks.
Breath play is becoming increasingly popular in BDSM practices. Obviously, it is infinitely more safe when practiced with a partner. BDSM isn't "weird." In every culture all over the globe there is a certain percentage of the population that enjoys bondage, domination, sadomasochism, and humiliation. So we can't knock them. They are a legitimate sexual minority in their own right. However, you know what is key about partners enjoying causing each other pain and discomfort? Consent.
There is a distinct difference between willingly engaging in BDSM and being shocked when you find yourself physically violated. Even the most deeply entrenched BDSM fanatic is able to describe the immense difference.
That is what is so troubling about your story, FO. You didn't enjoy what was happening to you and you didn't ask for it. Your attempt to express your dislike of the activity was shrugged off. The type of person who enjoys causing pain while ignoring consent is usually called a rapist. At the very least they are someone lacking empathy. I don't pretend to know why your boyfriend is this way but he doesn't sound like a good boyfriend. Lets not waste time psychoanalyzing him - just get yourself safe!
Hoping you put yourself first,
- The Sexpert
I have a question about the last time I had sex with my boyfriend. It was kind of scary because he choked me. I wasn't expecting it and I passed out. I asked him why he would do something like that to me and he said he thought I would like it because lots of girls do and its hot. We have been together for about a year and he has never done anything like that before. I am scared he will try to do it again and I don't know what to do if he does?
Freaked Out
FO,
A significant other should NEVER make you feel helpless! I don't like telling people straight up what to do but I want to yell at you to get away! Why am I so alarmed? Because sex is something a couple should only engage in with the shared goal to please each other. He shouldn't be nearly causing you injury, scaring you, and then telling you to like it. That is a relationship where the power and control is out of whack! Evidenced by his physically lashing out at you during sex! Danger!
Why would he tell you that lots of girls like it? Because some do. Its called breath play or erotic asphyxiation. This is not new information: When people lose oxygen to their brain it can heighten the sensation of an orgasm. However, it is known as a riskier practice because engaging in it has caused numerous fatalities historically. Orgasming to death? Uhhhhh I'll pass, thanks.Breath play is becoming increasingly popular in BDSM practices. Obviously, it is infinitely more safe when practiced with a partner. BDSM isn't "weird." In every culture all over the globe there is a certain percentage of the population that enjoys bondage, domination, sadomasochism, and humiliation. So we can't knock them. They are a legitimate sexual minority in their own right. However, you know what is key about partners enjoying causing each other pain and discomfort? Consent.
There is a distinct difference between willingly engaging in BDSM and being shocked when you find yourself physically violated. Even the most deeply entrenched BDSM fanatic is able to describe the immense difference.
That is what is so troubling about your story, FO. You didn't enjoy what was happening to you and you didn't ask for it. Your attempt to express your dislike of the activity was shrugged off. The type of person who enjoys causing pain while ignoring consent is usually called a rapist. At the very least they are someone lacking empathy. I don't pretend to know why your boyfriend is this way but he doesn't sound like a good boyfriend. Lets not waste time psychoanalyzing him - just get yourself safe!
Hoping you put yourself first,
- The Sexpert
Comments
Post a Comment