Sex Toy Anxiety
Dear Sexpert,
My girlfriend and I are about to embark on a long distance relationship. We are both ok with that but a friend of mine recently suggested I buy her a sex toy for the time I am away. I have always masturbated but she says she doesn't. Maybe she will want to while I am gone? Do you think buying her a sex toy will make her dissatisfied with normal sex? Will my penis not feel as good to her if she learns to really love a toy?
Sexless in Seattle
Seattle,
You should be asking your girlfriend these questions and not me.... Seeing as how you are asking me, however, I feel it fair to assume you are scared to have such a conversation. For example, what do you mean she 'says' she doesn't masturbate? You think she is feeding you a line?
Maybe she is. Maybe she isn't. Maybe she does want to start masturbating now that you will be away and maybe she doesn't. These are the mysteries you and her will have to work out as honestly as possible. Between the two of you. As a couple.
What I do know is that enjoying a sex toy will not detract from her enjoyment of you. Seattle, take a look at that picture above. Do any of those toys even remotely look like a penis? The purpose of a sex toy is not to compete with a penis but to enhance one's sexual experiences/arousal.
It kind of makes me feel annoyed at what I like to call 'Fragile Penis Syndrome.' I risk sounding like a bitch, but let me explain. Fragile Penis Syndrome is when a man is obsessed with the fact that his penis should/could/is/can be God's gift to this world. The truth is of course... that penises are awesome (duh) .... but no penis is super-human. Deep down sufferers of this syndrome know the truth about their penis (that its not a full fledged miracle). They can't be satisfied with "awesome," they want something immaculate between their legs. So their self-image hangs in this fragile balance of how they perceive their penis to be valued by others. They are frightened of their penis having to compete against other penises and god-forbid machines! It terrifies them that perhaps, their penis is only awesome and one day someone is going to tell them this.
Seattle, trust your girlfriend to love you. She loves the way your voice sounds over the phone. The fact you are good at math. Your asymmetrical smile. YOU are not your penis. Your self-esteem should be built on much more than your gorgeous reproductive organ.
Is it a great and thoughtful thing to want your girlfriend to continue to get off while you are far away? Yes, yes it is. Do you need to buy your girlfriend something resembling the photo below? No, you certainly do not have to.
The fact that the two of you are in a committed relationship means that it is most appropriate for the decision to be made on a toy together. It can and should be something you feel a certain amount of comfort towards as well. Keep in mind, you maybe don't understand exactly why she is telling you she wants the toy she wants. SO ASK! This is an amazing learning opportunity for you, Seattle. You could see what sorts of stimulation will really please her.
Don't let insecurities ruin a good thang,
- The Sexpert
My girlfriend and I are about to embark on a long distance relationship. We are both ok with that but a friend of mine recently suggested I buy her a sex toy for the time I am away. I have always masturbated but she says she doesn't. Maybe she will want to while I am gone? Do you think buying her a sex toy will make her dissatisfied with normal sex? Will my penis not feel as good to her if she learns to really love a toy?
Sexless in Seattle
Seattle,
You should be asking your girlfriend these questions and not me.... Seeing as how you are asking me, however, I feel it fair to assume you are scared to have such a conversation. For example, what do you mean she 'says' she doesn't masturbate? You think she is feeding you a line?
Maybe she is. Maybe she isn't. Maybe she does want to start masturbating now that you will be away and maybe she doesn't. These are the mysteries you and her will have to work out as honestly as possible. Between the two of you. As a couple.
What I do know is that enjoying a sex toy will not detract from her enjoyment of you. Seattle, take a look at that picture above. Do any of those toys even remotely look like a penis? The purpose of a sex toy is not to compete with a penis but to enhance one's sexual experiences/arousal.
It kind of makes me feel annoyed at what I like to call 'Fragile Penis Syndrome.' I risk sounding like a bitch, but let me explain. Fragile Penis Syndrome is when a man is obsessed with the fact that his penis should/could/is/can be God's gift to this world. The truth is of course... that penises are awesome (duh) .... but no penis is super-human. Deep down sufferers of this syndrome know the truth about their penis (that its not a full fledged miracle). They can't be satisfied with "awesome," they want something immaculate between their legs. So their self-image hangs in this fragile balance of how they perceive their penis to be valued by others. They are frightened of their penis having to compete against other penises and god-forbid machines! It terrifies them that perhaps, their penis is only awesome and one day someone is going to tell them this.Seattle, trust your girlfriend to love you. She loves the way your voice sounds over the phone. The fact you are good at math. Your asymmetrical smile. YOU are not your penis. Your self-esteem should be built on much more than your gorgeous reproductive organ.
Is it a great and thoughtful thing to want your girlfriend to continue to get off while you are far away? Yes, yes it is. Do you need to buy your girlfriend something resembling the photo below? No, you certainly do not have to.
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Don't let insecurities ruin a good thang,
- The Sexpert
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