Vagina Victory
Hey Sexpert,
I was just wondering if you had any resources on the female orgasm. I'm an extremely sexual (although monogmous) person with my new partner. With past partners, I've never had any trouble getting off with them. I have only ever had an orgasm from oral sex and never from vaginal sex. I think this this is because I have clitoral orgasms and not g-spot orgasms. I would like to explore new ways of orgasming and do some research on g-spot orgasms. How do I know if I've had one? Is there a way to train your body into having different kinds of orgasms? Am I making any sense? I'd love to experience a g-spot orgasm but no matter how hard I get fucked, fingered, or use a toy i just don't feel anything until they start rubbing my clit!
Help! Thanks!
- G-spot Explorer
Dearest Explorer,
It sounds like you know exactly how to find your g-spot.. but the above diagram is to make sure we don't leave anyone behind. As pictured above, the Grafenburg spot is credited for being the internal source of vaginal pleasure (and sometimes squirting).
Did you know that by asking me about different sorts of orgasms you were stumbling upon a sociopolitical minefield? See, there are schools of thought.... One originating from our favorite father of psychology, Freud. Being that he thought the driving force of all humanity was their sexuality, he made his career upon developing the theory of psychosexual development . Within this theory he made the insensitive assertion that mature women, would be able to achieve vaginal orgasms and abandon her fascination with the clitoris.
Ummmm... *cough cough* ..... Oooook..
So, as you can imagine, dear explorer, feminists were like, "Fuck this old white man Freud and him telling me what parts of my body make me an adult." ... and who can blame them? I post a lot of work from one of my favorite feminist artists, Sophia Wallace, to my facebook page. She is not the first to lady speak out against the lack of importance placed on female anatomy in our culture. The premise behind her project, Clitracy, is to bring attention to the lack of attention the clitoris receives in architecture, media, pornography, and medicine. A message I can fully get behind!
Yet struggling to experience a vaginal orgasm is an extremely common issue no matter how wonderful these instruction manuals are. Only recently, was I enlightened to find out why!
Naomi Wolf is a well-known third-wave feminist author. Due to her writing on the vagina's role in childbirth one of my good friends (an aspiring midwife at the time) had picked up one of her books: Vagina: A new Biography. I borrowed the book last fall and have enjoyed learning about the vagina from Naomi, albeit sometimes the language she uses is a little hippydippy for me. Little did I know how controversial this book was! Apparently, the assertion that vaginas and brains are connected is offensive to some women (precisely the sociopolitical minefield I mentioned before, dear Explorer). However, I think the truth of that particular MEDICAL FACT is a freeing one!
Naomi went to the doctor when her orgasms were still occurring but they weren't burning as brightly as they had before. She found out that her pelvic nerve had been pinched by an unknown back injury. Most of us non-medical sorts do not know about nerves and bones and organs and the exact interconnectedness our entire body shares with our brain. However, vaginas are special because while the nerves that connect men's penises to their brains looks rather uniform, the nerves of the vagina are all very special snowflakes!
So, my entire life, I knew about the clitoris, g-spot, and a-spot as three general areas of female sexual pleasure. However, knowing that each woman is innervated completely differently is an awe-inspiring thought! There is no uniform way to give a woman pleasure. What feels good for one will feel great for another and will feel blah for the third. There are women who love anal, and women who love receiving oral, and women who love being penetrated deeply, and women who love being shallowly penetrated... And I find this FREEING because none of this is a reflection of how grown you are, or how sexually liberated you are, if you are repressed, or depraved! It is just how God made the snowflake of your vaginal nerves!
Do you want to be thinking about your role in ending patriarchy while you are trying to orgasm?
Do you want to be examining what your psychological hangups are that prevent you from enjoying vaginal penetration while trying to orgasm?
Do you want to second guess your partner's technique while you are trying to orgasm?
Do you want to try to follow a seven step process to achieving a blended orgasm only to decide your equipment must be broken while trying to orgasm?
Answers: No, No, No, No...
So, now you don't have to, dear Explorer. You get to actually EXPLORE what makes you feel good! If its not the g-spot, so what? Find your own spot ;)
What the brain/vagina connection actually means for women is that a good orgasm has the power to knock us into a trance state! When I first began studying psychology, what I was most fascinated by was the utilization of the relaxation response to combat physical and psychological woes. Our orgasms have an immense influence on the neurochemical processes within the body that keep us calm, confident, and joyful. The euphoria one feels after orgasm is attributed to the fact that parts of the brain that govern inhibition shut off. However, all of this can be difficult to achieve if anxiety blocks an orgasm from occurring in the first place or we deny ourselves the type of stimulation that feels best to our unique bodies.
The fact that there is a difference between men and women sexually, in my opinion, shouldn't threaten the principles of third-wave feminism. I think that the science in this instance confirms them! Differences among people groups should be celebrated through means of inclusion. It should mean that women should give themselves freedom and permission to say, "Nope, that's not how you get ME to climax. Let me show you."
Happy exploring,
- The Sexpert
I was just wondering if you had any resources on the female orgasm. I'm an extremely sexual (although monogmous) person with my new partner. With past partners, I've never had any trouble getting off with them. I have only ever had an orgasm from oral sex and never from vaginal sex. I think this this is because I have clitoral orgasms and not g-spot orgasms. I would like to explore new ways of orgasming and do some research on g-spot orgasms. How do I know if I've had one? Is there a way to train your body into having different kinds of orgasms? Am I making any sense? I'd love to experience a g-spot orgasm but no matter how hard I get fucked, fingered, or use a toy i just don't feel anything until they start rubbing my clit!
Help! Thanks!
- G-spot Explorer
 |
| This post is going to be full of medical drawings... I can tell |
Dearest Explorer,
It sounds like you know exactly how to find your g-spot.. but the above diagram is to make sure we don't leave anyone behind. As pictured above, the Grafenburg spot is credited for being the internal source of vaginal pleasure (and sometimes squirting).
Did you know that by asking me about different sorts of orgasms you were stumbling upon a sociopolitical minefield? See, there are schools of thought.... One originating from our favorite father of psychology, Freud. Being that he thought the driving force of all humanity was their sexuality, he made his career upon developing the theory of psychosexual development . Within this theory he made the insensitive assertion that mature women, would be able to achieve vaginal orgasms and abandon her fascination with the clitoris.
Ummmm... *cough cough* ..... Oooook..
So, as you can imagine, dear explorer, feminists were like, "Fuck this old white man Freud and him telling me what parts of my body make me an adult." ... and who can blame them? I post a lot of work from one of my favorite feminist artists, Sophia Wallace, to my facebook page. She is not the first to lady speak out against the lack of importance placed on female anatomy in our culture. The premise behind her project, Clitracy, is to bring attention to the lack of attention the clitoris receives in architecture, media, pornography, and medicine. A message I can fully get behind!
I can tell your question wasn't about what area of the body "decent woman" should focus on during orgasm, however. No, your question was free from cultural biases and came from an empowered sexual being trying to get her rocks off in the best way possible. Dear explorer, you are in search of the creme dela creme of orgasms. Because, why shouldn't you be? The Blended Orgasm has captured the imaginations of vagina owners in the last ten years (I want to say since dual motor vibes became a popular item - and they continue to be!). In every publication that promises "sex tips," the blended orgasm has been explained in an instructional manual format.
Yet struggling to experience a vaginal orgasm is an extremely common issue no matter how wonderful these instruction manuals are. Only recently, was I enlightened to find out why!
Naomi Wolf is a well-known third-wave feminist author. Due to her writing on the vagina's role in childbirth one of my good friends (an aspiring midwife at the time) had picked up one of her books: Vagina: A new Biography. I borrowed the book last fall and have enjoyed learning about the vagina from Naomi, albeit sometimes the language she uses is a little hippydippy for me. Little did I know how controversial this book was! Apparently, the assertion that vaginas and brains are connected is offensive to some women (precisely the sociopolitical minefield I mentioned before, dear Explorer). However, I think the truth of that particular MEDICAL FACT is a freeing one!
Naomi went to the doctor when her orgasms were still occurring but they weren't burning as brightly as they had before. She found out that her pelvic nerve had been pinched by an unknown back injury. Most of us non-medical sorts do not know about nerves and bones and organs and the exact interconnectedness our entire body shares with our brain. However, vaginas are special because while the nerves that connect men's penises to their brains looks rather uniform, the nerves of the vagina are all very special snowflakes!
So, my entire life, I knew about the clitoris, g-spot, and a-spot as three general areas of female sexual pleasure. However, knowing that each woman is innervated completely differently is an awe-inspiring thought! There is no uniform way to give a woman pleasure. What feels good for one will feel great for another and will feel blah for the third. There are women who love anal, and women who love receiving oral, and women who love being penetrated deeply, and women who love being shallowly penetrated... And I find this FREEING because none of this is a reflection of how grown you are, or how sexually liberated you are, if you are repressed, or depraved! It is just how God made the snowflake of your vaginal nerves!
Do you want to be examining what your psychological hangups are that prevent you from enjoying vaginal penetration while trying to orgasm?
Do you want to second guess your partner's technique while you are trying to orgasm?
Do you want to try to follow a seven step process to achieving a blended orgasm only to decide your equipment must be broken while trying to orgasm?
Answers: No, No, No, No...
So, now you don't have to, dear Explorer. You get to actually EXPLORE what makes you feel good! If its not the g-spot, so what? Find your own spot ;)
What the brain/vagina connection actually means for women is that a good orgasm has the power to knock us into a trance state! When I first began studying psychology, what I was most fascinated by was the utilization of the relaxation response to combat physical and psychological woes. Our orgasms have an immense influence on the neurochemical processes within the body that keep us calm, confident, and joyful. The euphoria one feels after orgasm is attributed to the fact that parts of the brain that govern inhibition shut off. However, all of this can be difficult to achieve if anxiety blocks an orgasm from occurring in the first place or we deny ourselves the type of stimulation that feels best to our unique bodies.
The fact that there is a difference between men and women sexually, in my opinion, shouldn't threaten the principles of third-wave feminism. I think that the science in this instance confirms them! Differences among people groups should be celebrated through means of inclusion. It should mean that women should give themselves freedom and permission to say, "Nope, that's not how you get ME to climax. Let me show you."
Happy exploring,
- The Sexpert
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