Congruent Cultural Identities

I know that I am always talking about sexual health and wellness.  Well, this particular post will be a reprieve from that, however, I think that discussing our own comfort levels in racially diverse environments can relate to RELATIONSHIPS - if you  let it!

In the counseling world, the idea of being 'culturally competent' comes up a lot.  Counselors take formal classes in school towards this goal and several continuing education training courses throughout their careers.  Should one work for an agency, these may be mandated annually and individuals may be left with little choice what training/seminar/work shop they are forced to sit in on.  Myself and a good friend, Acacia Gammage, are both professionals in this field.  We began to talk about our different experiences in such trainings.

We agreed that some of these trainings were basic, relied on stereotypes, and presented triggering i

In the counseling world, the idea of being 'culturally competent' comes up a lot.  Counselors take formal classes in school towards this goal and several continuing education training courses throughout our careers.  Should one work for an agency, these may be mandated annually and individuals may be left with little choice what training/seminar/work shop they are forced to sit in on.  Myself and a good friend, Acacia Gammage, are both professionals in this field.  We began to talk about our different experiences in such trainings.

We agreed that some of these trainings were basic, relied on stereotypes, and presented triggering information.  Worse still, some triggered participants on purpose in a misguided effort towards catharsis and would encourage team members to form trauma bonds with one another that trainers would label as "togetherness."  Acacia and I talked and talked and talked about what we could qualitatively term "cultural competence" and what could be said to assist others to self-evaluate whether or not they possessed it.  At first, we merely agreed that we knew it when we saw it and felt it when it was missing. 

We decided that it was a quality one possessed within themselves.  The ability to hear difficult things, an opposing worldview, or a story one could not relate to - and feel comfortable.  The ability to de-center yourself to accept the narrative of another at face value and true for them.  

Acacia is trained as a Marriage and Family Therapist.  In that orientation, counseling is done from a systems perspective and often dealing directly with family of origin concerns.   It is taken for granted that therapists will encounter subject matters that are personally triggering for them.  To learn how to mange those triggers, counselors do 'Self of a Therapist' work.  

Within Self of a Therapist work, there is a concept called 'congruence.'  Congruence is predicated on the idea that we all have different identities.  For example, I'm a counselor, a speaker, a blogger, etc., but I am also someone's daughter, sister, a student, and a friend.   When all of these identities work together smoothly and there is no conflicts that is called congruence.  A lack of congruence can cause all sorts of emotional instability, shame, and anxiety.  A very public example was when women of color were appointed to lead the Women's March movement in an effort to elevate non-white voices.  There was a lot of controversy when it was discovered these same women were followers of the Nation of Islam, a religious group that has been known to have a lot of anti-female rhetoric.  The Women's March has ever since been essentially at a standstill as these women have refused to renounce their loyalty to their leader, Louis Farrakhan. For these women, their identities as feminists, women of color, and their religious identities became tragically incongruent.  

A rather benign example of congruence comes with my and Acacia's music taste.  Believe it or not, Acacia enjoys and knows the lyrics to several country music songs.  I do not.  Neither one of us are offended, if you assume by our appearance (mine as a white woman and hers as a black woman) that the opposite may be true.  Why is this not a cause for dire offense?  Because our identities as women, black or white people, hip hop fans, and country music fans, are congruent.  We are aware of what assumptions can be made based on stereotypes but we are confident and comfortable correcting someone when they assume wrong.  

How does one bring their racial identity into congruence?  It is not an easy feat.  For one, race can be a tricky thing to define. 

Pictured here is Rachel Dolezal.  She is a woman who was the president of her local NAACP chapter and assumed to be black until it was revealed that she was raised as a white child to white parents. Dolezal defended her decision to identify as a black woman by pointing out that race is a social construct (as is gender).  While the deciding be transracial is still hugely controversial, Dolezal isn't wrong.  

"Race" is defined as the idea that the human species is divided into distinct groups based on inherited behavioral and physical characteristics.  In fact, genetic studies in the twentieth century showed us that race could not be discerned through DNA.  Meaning, a white person likely has just as many genetic similarities to a black, Hispanic, Native, or Asian person as they would with another white person. The idea of race came about in the fifteenth century during European conquests to the Western hemisphere.  The idea of race continues to thrive in Western countries.  It may stand out to those who have visited countries in the Eastern hemisphere that when someone identifies themselves as "German," "Chinese," or "Pakistani," they are speaking to their cultural background, their nationality, and their ethnicity all with one word.  In countries settled by European conquests and later immigration, saying "American," or "Canadian" does not carry the same weight.  Race in these places has become a shorthand and, in many cases, social order has relied on it.  As I mentioned in my last post, the human brain prefers categories to be as neat as they can be.   In America, each wave of European immigrant gave up their national identity to assimilate and become white.  For example, my great grandmother told us stories of being slapped by the teacher at school for speaking anything other than English - her second language. 

If race is not genetically discernible, is it discernible by appearance?  That notion is problematic for those of mixed race. Is it discernible by something you know?  Were raised with?   This notion is problematic for intercultural adoptees.  As I have just encouraged you to ensure your racial identity is congruent with the rest of you, now I will discuss why it is just so difficult to do.    

Firstly, language commonly used in the United States on the topic confuses the issue immensely.  "African-American," "Asian-American," and "Native-American" can feel othering when we consider who we consider just "American."  More significantly, the word 'Caucasian' is a complete misnomer.

With one Google search we can find that this word is predicated on the disproven belief  that white people originated from the caucus mountains.  This word came about during an era in anthropology that is also responsible for words such as 'Aryan,' 'Mongoloid,' and other utterly taboo terms.  It confuses the very notion of race to sound like an ethnicity or a cultural heritage.  Who benefits from this when it is applied to whiteness?

 "“As long as whiteness remains unnamed it will continue to reproduce racial inequality”
- Hanna Barczyk

Another issue that makes congruence difficult is historical trauma. Historical Trauma is when a group of people lives through a traumatic event or oppression as a group. The Holocaust serves as a clear example as a historical trauma for Jewish people. There are many many more we could point to for several people groups during several eras throughout history and across the globe. This trauma brings with it triggers that can impair interactions in diverse communities.

 
Historical trauma can threaten our peace when it is not viewed as historical. This means that when one knows their ancestors were are war with one another they may view themselves opposed to others in present-day.   Maybe when you reflect on your own experiences you can think of times you or someone you knew assumed hostility existed in interactions with someone of a different race?  These people show up to conversations with a 'my point of view vs. yours' mentality.

When present-day effects of historical trauma and oppression are ignored or mischaracterized, this can inspire mistrust or the pain of feeling unseen.  This can look like the perpetration of microaggressions or avoidance.  Maybe you have heard someone say they are 'color blind' or insists our society grants success based upon merit alone?  This may unknowingly send a signal to others that this person can never serve as an ally to them.

Maybe assumptions are thoughtlessly made based on assumed racial identities.  I used a benign example of music tastes before, however, research tells us when it comes to resumes and rental applications, these assumptions are rarely benign.

An incongruent person may feel guilty or ashamed when reflecting on their privilege; as if they were personally responsible for the suffering of others.  An incongruent person may feel apathy, shame, or hopelessness when reflecting on their oppression; as if their personal choices will be pointless in the face of barriers.  This shame can prevent productive conversations in diverse settings and it is misplaced.  No one is personally responsible for racism in our society.  No one asked to be born into this world belonging to a particular race and yet we all have a responsibility to show up and do our best for one another.  

What can we do to move past shame?  From a place of congruence we can acknowledge (not own) the pain of others. We can hold our loved ones accountable when they exhibit perpetual victim thinking.  From a place of congruence, we can encourage people to use their coping skills or seek a sense of resolution in the face of their pain.  Responses to racial questions, comments, and assumptions that are directed at you are best handled when one can avoid feeling triggered and observe common sense. The best responses are developmentally appropriate, don't involve your emotions or opinions, and they create a safe space for others as they move on their own journey towards congruence.  

What can we do to use our power to empower others?